Hot
by KiraSakura
Summary: Sequel to My Hero. Includes evil air conditioners, crazy Kazes, Swahili speaking insects, and Ai bashing. Dedicated to NightmareStalker, who must update soon! Also, a small amount of Kaze and Lisa love.


**I don't own Final Fantasy: Unlimited. Dedicated to Nightmare-Stalker -- PLEASE UPDATE! Inspiration? The serious lack of Lisa and Kaze love, and the almighty sugar. **

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It was hot. Really hot. So very hot that Kaze was considering taking off his cloak. But he was far too busy, really, trying _not_ to murder the idiot (Ai) who had killed the air conditioning. Of course, Kaze had tried to kill the idiot (Ai) when it happened, but Lisa had grabbed his arm, and pleaded for him not to. Kaze just gave her a 'A you mad, woman?' look, and proceeded to shoot at the idiot's (Ai) feet. This was the morning's entertainment. Seriously. Cid and Miles had rushed everyone into the control room, handed out pop-potato ('cause they had no corn) and some funny purple stuff which Yu suspected had some large amount of alcohol in, cause Knave had drunk only two, and already was doing the Macarena and asking Lisa to marry him. But that had been four hours ago. After a un-pleasant lunch of ice potato (no cream), everyone had returned to the control room, and were currently trying to make the damn air conditioning work. Well, actually, they were _trying_ to look busy, just so Kaze wouldn't shoot them (he had done so twice), but they were really just sitting around, trying not to ogle Lisa and Miles. Why were all the males on the ship (Kaze included) trying not to ogle Lisa and Miles? Well, after a lot of digging, Miles had found two pairs of bikinis (one orange, one purple) and four sarongs (1). And so, they had changed into those rather tight outfits, and had decided that they would do some washing to pass the time. Which basically meant have a water fight, get drenched, make the clothing wet, then sit in front of the busted air conditioner to get dry. The air conditioner _was _working, just it was making everything hot, and not cold. Anyways. But to the situation at hand.

"Are you finished yet?" Kaze asked, his voice drenched in annoyance. Cid gulped, and laughed in a Please-Don't-Kill-Me-I'm-Working-On-It-And-Not-Staring-At-My-Current-Love-Interest-I-Mean-Miles-Cause-Lisa-Belongs-To-You-Cause-You're-Obiviously-The-Alpha-Male-Around-Here way, and added, "Yeah…She just needs a little more work, and then everything'll be A ok. Ain't that right, Carrie?"

'Carrie' (the air conditioner) made a clunking noise, and blasted out some more hot air. Cid wanted to cry and drool. Damn you, Miles, damn you for wearing that damn outfit.

"Kaze, if you're hot, why not take off the cloak?" Lisa smiled to him from where she was. Kaze grunted in reply, and decided to do just that. And so he stood up, and peeled it off. Once it was off, he shot it (just for good measure) and then kicked the damn thing over in a corner. He then slumped down against the wall, flipped off some random Comodeen member who had been staring too long, and continued to glare at the air conditioner, hoping, praying, but not begging (Kaze doesn't beg) that it would _work_. Sadly, Carrie didn't here his plea. In fact, it went 'PLUNK CLANG FFFFFF' and promptly blasted some more, hot, foul, putrid air, right in Kaze's direction, as if mocking him. And that was the last thing it would ever do.

"THAT FUCKING DOES IT!!!" Kaze roared. Everything went quiet, watching as Kaze stormed over to the air conditioner, and started to shoot at it, ignoring Cid's cries of pain. He then started to kick Carrie, before pulling her out of the wall, and promptly threw her out the window. He then returned to his seat, and started listing off a long, complicated line of swear words. Some in English, some in Japanese, some in Windarian, and some in some over language that only Fungo understood. And judging by the look on his face, they weren't very nice. Lisa smiled quietly, and standing up, walked over to where Kaze sat, ranting on and on and on about evil, fricking air conditioners that could go to fucking hell and burn, damnit, burn and bending down said, "Deep breaths"

Kaze stopped, nodded, took a few deep breaths, and stopped ranting. Lisa smiled, kissed him on the forehead, and led him off to the storage room, which was reasonably cool.

And when she returned, she apologized to Cid for her lover's rude behaviour, and returned to where she had been sitting. It wasn't until later that night that she learned that one should never leave a disgruntled Kaze alone, especially when he decides to murder the one who fucked the air conditioning.

"**SOIL IS MY POWER!!!**"

"**AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!!! LIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIISAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!**"

We find poor innocent (not really) Ai running down one of the many hallways in Jane, a twitching Kaze dashing after her, shooting at her with his little red gun, laughing manically, and willing the Magun to unfreeze faster. Poor Ai…ok, so we don't really feel that much symphony for Ai. 'Cause she's evil, scheming, and absolutely p-a-t-h-e-t-i-c. Ahem.

There was a light clicking sound, and Kaze hollered at the top of his very hysterical voice, "**IT HAS THAWED**!!!"

"SHIT SHIT SHIT SHIT SHIT SHIT SHIT SHIT SHIT SHIT SHIT SHIT SHIT SHIT SHIT!!!! OH, DEAR GOD!!! SOMEONE **HEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEELP**!!! He's gonna kill me!!"

No one bothered to help her. This goes to show, everyone hates Ai. The End.

Not really.

"**THE SOIL CHARGE TRIAD TO USE ON YOU HAS BEEN DECIDED**!!!" You know, this could be a very educational experience for Ai. She could learn not to hurt air conditioners. And stay far, far, far away from Kaze's. But she should of learnt this weeks ago, after she discovered that Uma (a pet spider that Kaze had destroyed) had NOT been killed, and had been stuck into her room, under her pillow, and pumped full of venom.

The sad thing about it? Ai didn't die. Bother.

Anyhows…

Ai ran, screaming, past Makenshi, who raised an eyebrow, and watched, rather amused, as Kaze thundered past, a look of pure madness in his eye. He was still shooting at Ai, who was doing a rather good job of avoiding the bullets. Once again, bother. Oh, no wait, there we go. Kaze watched, happily (as did everyone else, happily) as Ai crumbled to the floor, a pool of deep red crimson spreading out around her. She twitched a bit, and when everyone thought she was dead, (that proved by the stick that Fungo stuck in her side) they all burst into a loud chorus of cheers, and Kaze was made into more of a hero, Yu and Clear followed Madoushi's and Makenshi's example and made out, whilst said cloud and mist bought a pogo stick, and became the champion pogo-ers of Wonderland.

Kaze and Lisa got the happy ever after they wanted. And Carrie soon became colonized by some weird little bugs that could speak Swahili.

And what happened to Fabula, you ask? Well, she died of heart attack. The End. (For real)


End file.
